The moment I heard Will’s voice, my heartbeat spiked up. Seeing his face reflecting the conflict of everything we were and everything we were becoming, it suddenly dawned on me what Paris meant for us. As I do in any situation, I looked at Jennie for silent comfort.
She was extremely confused.
Oh.
Oh right.
No one knew about us. Oh boy, I had a lot of explaining to do.
Just then August and Nina emerged from the dance floor and halted to a stop to look at the three of us. “Will, are you okay? What are you doing here?”
I had an extremely painful amount of explaining to do, Nina was going to riot.
Will looked at my frightened face and instinctively took over. “I came here for Ranbir. We were close when I was in my fourth year. Wanted to share a drink and congratulate him on his job. I see him by the snack table, I’ll go say hi.” He curtly excused himself, face stoic as ever. I silently sighed my relief.
August and Nina had already gone back to their own little world, they were discussing what to do for Christmas since it was only three days away. After the winter break began two days ago, almost everyone had plans to visit family or friends so many were out of town already, which meant any huge elaborate parties were out of the picture leaving everyone to make small intimate plans, which I preferred anyway. I needed a break from constantly being surrounded by people.
I was still a little shaken up when Jennie softly touched my arm, her way of quietly asking me if I’m alright, and what the Will situation was about, though her expression told me she’d already figured out the half of it. I pursed my lips and nodded which she knew meant that I’ll tell her soon. I wanted to talk to Will first. I didn’t know where he stood about all this, us, and Paris. No point telling Jennie half the story. I was still grateful she read my body language and didn’t say anything to August yet. I sighed again and turned around to see Nina silently observing me while August excitedly went on about the intimate date he’d planned for them. I met her gaze and it immediately made me more nervous. She obviously noticed the change and effortlessly tuned back in to August and said something that didn’t give up the fact that she had been focused on me.
I’ll deal with that later. I was too occupied with everything else to focus on how Nina did that but I still was low-key impressed. God dammit.
Jennie and I were similar in a couple situations, smoking when everything feels too much was definitely one of them. I asked Jennie if she was carrying any and thankfully, she was. I sneaked around to the backyard and quickly lit one. I took in a drag and breathed it out slowly. With the nicotine seeping in, my shoulders relaxed. But then I felt the after taste and it made me nauseous. If even cigarettes aren’t easing my stress anymore maybe it was time to quit anyway.
I was making a mental schedule on how to start my detox when I heard footsteps behind me, assuming it was Jennie, I spoke out without looking, “I am still not ready to talk about it okay, all of it is a little too much right now. Especially with Paris in the picture I’m-”
“Ah, so you got the scholarship?”
My blood went cold. I turned around to see Nina smirking.
“How do you know about the scholarsh-?” Nina tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. Right.
As I rolled my eyes, she strutted forward and stood next to me. She gestured for me to pass the cigarette and my eyebrows shot up. She shrugged and took in a long drag.
“You should take it.” It was after a minute of silence that Nina spoke so it startled me a bit. “Of course, you think I should take it. You would’ve. But I have unfinished things here. It’s not that easy. I don’t even know if I want it yet. I don’t even know if I’m worth it yet.”
It was Nina’s turn to roll her eyes. “You want it. I know it. You know it. Don’t lie to yourself. As far as being worth it is concerned, I don’t know if you are. But I know you can be if you want to. If you give it up, you are definitely not worth it, but if you accept, you might just be. Do you want to be worth it?”
I pouted at her insane logic that made sense. “Yes…” I dragged out silently. She took in another drag and then turned to look me directly in my eyes. “Don’t give it up for a relationship that isn’t even there yet.” I looked at her so fast, I think I hurt my neck. She didn’t say it directly but I knew enough about Nina to know she had figured it out already. Her lack of anger caught me off guard. “You know about…?” “It didn’t take a rocket science degree to understand the tension in the room at that moment. Will directed the play, it made complete sense.” “So, you’re not mad?” “Why would I be mad, it’s not my place to tell him who he can and can’t be with. I can’t control anyone else.” I furrowed my eyebrows because that kind of contradicted her entire philosophy, Nina saw my expression and laughed. That caused my eyebrows to furrow further and it made her laugh louder.
This situation was too comfortable, considering I was talking to Nina. We fell into silence again. I wondered how Nina was feeling about all this. As challenging these changes were for me to cope with, it must be hard for her too. I wondered if she would’ve taken this opportunity now with August in the picture. Probably would have. August wouldn’t have let her give it up. I don’t think he’d let me give it up either, that’s why I wanted to wait a while and make up my own mind before I talked to him.
A question suddenly popped into my head as I looked at Nina, “What made you come out here right now? I didn’t expect you’d bother.”
“I don’t, really. It was just my turn to check up on you after you checked up on me after that incident with Isla. I didn’t expect you’d bother then either.” She looked at me and gave me a soft smile.
Wait…
Were we…?
Were we friends?
Huh. That’s a surprise.
My phone rang with a text from Jennie saying there was a spectacle happening inside that I wouldn’t want to miss, so Nina and I butted the cigarette and made our way in. It was Will and Ranbir racing to finish 25 shots while the entire crowd of the party chanted their name. The loser had to pay up the winner and the amount would be the number of shot remaining multiplied by thousand. So, if Ranbir finished his 25 shots while Will was on his 17th, he’d pay eight thousand to Ranbir. Ugh, rich people.
The competition went on and Will won by 9 shots. It was a sad day for Ranbir, but it did manage to take my mind off of everything for a while. Then everyone went back to dancing and Jennie dragged me on to the floor too, we took three shots each of liquid courage and I started feeling my body let loose. I could enjoy today and think about all of this tomorrow.
After about three songs, the DJ decided to play something for the couples. Jennie and I looked at each other as we telepathically knew it was now time to get back to snacks. La Vie En Rose started playing as the lights dimmed to a soft pink. It was actually quite cute. I turned around to leave but saw that Will was standing right behind me as if he was just about to say something but was suddenly frozen as I turned around. I looked at his surprised face and it made me giggle. He turned a little pink, or maybe it was the lighting, as he looked down, chuckled and brought up his eyes back at me. “Can I have a dance?” It was my time to turn pink under the camouflage of the ambience as I looked around for Jennie but she was already gone. Seeing no excuse, I accepted his extended hand as he put his other hand on my waist. I placed my head on his chest, and it felt eerily familiar.
The irony of a French love song playing as we danced was not lost on me.
We silently swayed to the music, not speaking to each other even though we both knew the conversation was impending. I thought about everything Will was and how we’d grown closer. From the accidental run ins to him scaring me in his kitchen. How he helped me become Juliet and infuriated me with his smart-ass remarks. And then of course that one particular rehearsal came to mind. I don’t think I’d ever stopped thinking about it. But then I also remembered the drunk phone calls I’d made for pizza and how I’d whined about us. I cringed so hard my hands tightened around his. He didn’t say anything, just started caressing the back of my hand with his thumb. The smallest gesture made my entire body melt into his. Unfortunately, and thankfully, the song ended, and we slowly detached ourselves from each other, and I missed his warmth the moment it was gone. I was about to turn around and leave but before I could, he suddenly grabbed my arm. Surprised, I looked at him waiting for him to speak. “Would you go out on a date with me?” His eyes were full of anticipation and something else that I couldn’t quite grasp. With him touching my arm and looking at me like that my heartbeat spiked again. Dammit William.
“Huh?” “Huh what?” “You just said ‘dammit William’.”
FUCKING HELL, WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
I felt my face burning so hot, I gave the Nicholas Cage’s Ghost Rider a run for his money. Will smirked and decided this was a good time to step closer to me. Of course, men were only capable of causing pain. He looked deep into my eyes and softly spoke, “Will you?” Our proximity was so dizzying I swear I forgot we were in the middle of the dance floor. His intense gaze made me blush. I didn’t know what would the date mean but it was worth a shot. “Yes, of course.”
Will smiled at me the brightest I’ve ever seen, and spoke excitedly, “Alright, be ready tomorrow at 7pm. I’ll come pick you up.” He started to leave in a hurry as I said, “You don’t know where I live.” He turned around, tilted his head, and raised an eyebrow. I rolled my eyes, genuinely annoyed this time and didn’t bother responding. I just turned around and started walking away, as I heard his deep throaty chuckle behind me.
I really hated the Jacobs.
The next day rolled around quickly. I had to take care of some errands and then get ready for my date with Will. Around the afternoon, Jennie came over as I sat her down and explained everything. It was weird to wait now that I was going on a date with him. While she processed and paced around mumbling as she does, I untangled my necklaces and bracelets, hoping and praying to whoever was listening that I didn’t break anything. Jennie understood where I was coming from and why I wasn’t able to tell them with everything else going on and said that she’d support whatever I chose. And after that she was kind of excited that I had a thing going on with Will.
“So, tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“The mushy details of how you feel about him?”
“What- I don’t even know if I like him.”
“Oh, Will’s calling you.” I suddenly jumped to get my phone and the second I did, I realized I’d walked right into a trap. I looked at Jennie who had the smuggest expression on the planet. Ugh. Whatever.
She cackled as I went back to diligently untangling the chains.
After an hour and a half of debating we finally settled on an outfit. I took a quick but thorough shower, and got ready as soon as possible since it was already six forty-five. I finished with nearly a second shower with the perfume, I always pride on smelling the best.
My doorbell rang two minutes short of seven and I was surprised Will didn’t just text me to come out. Jennie squealed at the gentleman-like behaviour and we both rushed to the door, stopping right before for a second so she could approve of how I looked. She smiled her approval, as she fixed a strand of my hair, planting it a little to the left than it was before. I took a deep breath and opened the door as Will stood in faded blue jeans and a black button-down shirt, his dark hair chaotically styled to look elegant, and he might’ve smelled just a little better than I did but the jury was still out. He had a small bouquet of red roses in his hand. He looked so handsome I think I forgot how to speak for a second, how was I about to go on a date with Will?
He looked at me, really looked at me. Ran his eyes down and back up, and smiled as he said, “You look beautiful.” I blushed as he handed me the roses, as I heard Jennie cough good luck from behind the door. I nonchalantly walked out and as soon as Will turned too, I looked back at her knowing she was watching and gave her a death stare. When we reached his car, he opened the door for me and then calmly walked to his side and sat in.
“So, what are we doing? You didn’t tell me where we were going so I hope I’m not dressed wrong.”
He looked at me again as he started the car and said, “Don’t worry, you’re perfect.” He smirked as he focused back on the road, blessedly so because I think my face was truly a tomato by now and I didn’t think he’d be into a tomato.
He played BTS- Dimple and looked at me for approval. Ah, the man had done his research. I looked at him with my eyes wide and a small smile forming on my face because I really was kind of impressed. I swear I could see pride on his face as he drove on and I silently lip synced to the song, finding it hard to stop myself.
“Can you take care of the music for me? I trust your choice.”
“Can I? Oh, honey I’m about to change your world.” Will laughed out loud at my enthusiasm but picking music was the only reason I ever went on drives with anyone. I was more than capable of the task.
The next song I picked was God is a Woman by Ariana Grande. If there was ever a song written for me, it was this one.
I tried hard to not, but I ended up singing it anyway. Will looked like he was trying hard to not be distracted from his driving. As I sang ‘I could be all the things you told me not to be’, he suddenly looked at me and said ‘Yuh’ as Ariana did it too, making me giggle.
The rest of the drive flew by as we enjoyed each song, and before I knew it, he was pulling into the parking of an establishment.
It was the famous arcade of our city. Arcade for a date? He was fucking brilliant.
We started walking towards the entrance as he was telling me how he was great at every game, almost legendary but he would go slow for me. I said nothing and just smiled and nodded as we entered the building. Will was still in the process of narrating his stories as I walked through the door, and the moment I did, the owner of the arcade, Phil exclaimed with joy, “My God, are you back to break your own records again? Weren’t three times enough?” He laughed heartily and enveloped me in a hug. As I let go of Phil, I turned to look at Will. His face was pale. I just smiled at him as innocently as possible.
Go slow for me, my ass.
He quietly purchased two platinum cards for the both of us. These cards last over two hours. The man still had his pride, I see.
He handed me my card without meeting my eyes as I chuckled, feeling a little soft at his defeated demeanour. I held his hand as I dragged him to my favourite game in the establishment, which was the car race obviously. When I turned around to look at him to confirm that he wanted to play it too, his eyes were glued to our intertwined hands. He looked at me and smiled devilishly.
“So, you want to play this?” “How can I go against you?”
I blushed and rolled my eyes as I sat and swiped my card, so did he. He had recovered from the recent blow to the ego and was back to his smug self as he said, “You might be better than I had assumed but I’ll still win this game.” I smirked. “We’ll see, baby.”
As the game began, I was obviously in the lead, but slowly he started getting too close to my car. I had lost my touch since I hadn’t played in years. It was time to take matters into my own hands.
“Hey Will?”
Will replied, “Hmm?” without looking at me, focussed on the race.
“That day in the auditorium when we were the only one’s rehearsing, before your phone rang, I was just about to run my hands through your hair. I was going to take the lead but then I never could.”
Will jerked his head towards me and stuttered out, “W-what?”
I smirked as I sped past his car in the game, not needing to reply since my job was done. He’d stopped playing for good ten seconds and was looking at me with wide eyes. The moment he understood what I’d done, he seethed out, “You little minx!” and tried to salvage the race but I was too far ahead for him to catch up.
The moment the race ended, he looked me dead in the eyes and he spoke low and slowly, “If that’s how you want to play, we can do that. I just hope you don’t regret losing terribly at the end.”
But I was not one to back down, not when it were my skills in question. I met his gaze and smirked, “I’d have to lose at all first, why don’t we keep our ambitions realistic? Baby steps, hmm?” I tilted my head to match my condescending tone. He chuckled, half impressed and half something else. I could make a rough guess though.
And so, for the next two hours we played every game at the arcade, using tricks and touches so that the other person would lose. We ordered some beers as we played, and that did not help anything. By the end we were tipsy, tired, and laughing so hard we had almost everyone giving us a look.
We sat down at the food court next to the arcade to tally the wins, and as predicted I surpassed his by seven games. He hung his head and shook it in disappointment as I squealed with joy. Empty promises of ‘next times’ were made but I was too happy about winning to take them seriously.
My happiness made way for feral hunger, and both of us decided to get the greasiest food there. I deserved it.
Since he lost, I decided to buy us the food to give him the reprieve. He expressed his gratitude with a scowl.
We got fries and matcha lattes, a hot dog each and some spicy ramen. We finished all of our meal with some doughnuts as we talked about everything and anything, knowing that the conversation both of us were dreading, was going to come up anytime now.
I decided to stop beating around the bush.
“So, I think I am going to take the scholarship.”
Will sighed, and looked at me sincerely. “I know you are. Not taking it was never an option.”
“If you knew that, why’d you ask me out on a date? I figured it was a ploy to convince me to not go.”
“I would never ask you to give up any opportunity. Let alone for me. As far as asking you out is concerned, I was going to anyway. I’d been trying to find a time to ask you since I couldn’t while I was directing the play. That would’ve put us both in a compromising position. When I heard about Paris, I thought now’s a good time as any. I was hoping you’d be boring, but you just had to go and be the complete fucking opposite.” He let out an exasperated sigh as if it actually pained him. I giggled. “Ah, I’m so sorry. You should’ve told me you expected that, I can pretend to be boring. I’m a great actor.”
“You are.” All the humour was gone from his face, as he stared at me. Can this man pick a single feeling that he wants to make me feel? He’s giving me a whiplash.
I took a deep breath as he touched my hand on the table, and said, “I had a really good time tonight. This was probably the best date I’ve ever had.”
I couldn’t help smile, “Yeah, me too.”
We looked at each other for another heartbeat before he broke the gaze and announced that he should remain a gentleman and drop me home at a reasonable hour. I nodded and we both left.
The car ride was silent. As I was browsing the songs, I accidently played Rewrite the Stars by James Arthur and Anne Marie. I was going to put another song, but it felt like a purposeful coincidence. The song fit like a glass slipper.
I thought about everything that wasn’t said. Promises to wait, or confessions of feelings. Everything was just understood. I looked at him, focused on the road, and for a moment I let myself imagine what it would be like if we could be what we wanted to be. What that would feel like? Banter and pushing each other to be better, he was exactly what I needed and maybe I was what he needed too, a reprieve from everything fast paced in his life. It would’ve been gentle, and passionate, something straight of my imagination. That’s all it was now, anyway.
I felt an ache in my chest as it dawned on me that we really could’ve been something if we had the time. We just didn’t have the time.
We reached my house sooner than I wanted to. I waited as he walked over to my side to open my door. I got out and looked at him, at a loss for words but I still wanted to say something.
“You know that I do, I mean I want- I just wish…” He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I know. I do too.”
“Thanks for tonight. It was the best.” He looked at me frozen, as if he was debating something. Before I could ask him about it, he stepped really close, cupped my face gently and kissed me. It took me a second to shake off the surprise but I quickly melted into it. I ran my hands through his hair and he smiled in the kiss thinking back to my confession during our first game. We stood there outside my door for a while, clinging to the crumbs.
Then it was inevitably time to leave. I hugged him and he breathed out as I did. We said goodbye and he drove away as I stood there watching his car disappear into the corner of my street.
I slowly walked inside and went straight to my room. I allowed myself another minute of grieving before I had to get to work. There was a lot to do.
I changed out of my outfit and wore my most comfortable clothes, freshened up, as I finally wrote the email to Matthew sir accepting the scholarship. There was a lot to do before I had to leave in two weeks.
The next day I spent shopping for essentials and I went with August who, when he found about everything in the morning, was equal parts excited and pissed that I didn’t tell him before. We made up as soon as I promised to get him the cologne he’d gotten as a kid from his uncle who had visited Paris. He’d been trying to find it since forever but it just wasn’t available anywhere online.
I told him about the whole situation with Will too and he just silently heard me and said that he was sorry I had to experience that, and then made a joke about the both of us falling for the Jacobs. The twinning really had to stop somewhere.
The moment he’d heard I had to leave in two weeks, he immediately called Nina and said that the Christmas date had to wait, he wanted everyone there. Nina told him she’d already been planning a party for our group since yesterday. August was so impressed that he got a little annoyed at her ability of knowing everything.
The day ended in a blur with a chaos of packing and gift wrapping for the Christmas eve party at Nina’s house the next night. Nina had invited everyone, even Akali who was officially dating Jennie now. After the initial paperwork was signed, I finally booked the tickets to Paris. A semester was four months long. I was going to spend four months in Paris learning theatre. This was so surreal I didn’t trust it. I wouldn’t until I was on the plane.
In the blink of an eye, I was at the Christmas party which was obviously elaborate. Brilliant red decorations and all varieties of Christmas themed food adorned the table. The eggnog was especially a hit, and that’s saying something because I hated the taste
Jennie, Akali, and I sat together but I kept feeling I was intruding a bit. Nina and August were in their corner being the host together. They looked like a married couple, it was a bit nauseating. Will was there too but he was in his corner, talking to his friend from work. He seemed really serious as he hashed out some details with the other man.
Soon enough all of us were sitting together laughing, drunk, narrating stories of everything that has happened in the past two months. It’s so weird one group project could bring about such a change in our lives. Maybe I should stop hating them, damn.
By the time Nina started telling her side of the story of the Halloween party, all of us were practically wheezing. I was laughing so hard as she compared my nervous giggle to a hyena, and how it almost made her laugh but she had to keep her cool in front of everyone else. I saw that Jennie was giving Akali the nitty gritty details of how everything went down to help her be in the loop.
We also finally got Jennie to tell us the story of how they became official. She told us in excruciating detail (the colour of her dress this time was red, by the way) and we tried to not laugh as Akali kept turning shades of red and trying to interrupt but Jennie just won’t listen. She was drunk drunk.
As Christmas songs played in the background, we got around to exchange gifts. August gave me my favourite black bean ramen to remember him in Paris. I hugged him and smacked him at the same time, appalled he’d think I’d forget about him. Jennie and I gave each other the jewellery we’d picked out in front of each other, approved by the other. Things didn’t need to be difficult, you know?
I even gave Nina something. It was a beautiful all white vinyl of the song Safety Net. She got really silent when she saw what it was and smiled softly. Her gaze automatically went to August who was talking to Will about something. She looked at me and said, “I got you something too. Wait.” She went over to the stack of gifts and picked a really pretty looking bag and came over to me. I took it, I hadn’t expected anything from her. I opened the package and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw what it was.
“I figured you couldn’t go to Paris without a cute beret. Burberry is my favourite too. You’ll fit right in.”
It was the prettiest beret I’d ever seen in my entire life. A soft pink and brown with the signature Burberry print, it was exquisite.
“Oh my god, thank you so much! This is the prettiest thing I own.” Without thinking, I hugged her. I felt her draw in a sharp breath, but she quickly hugged me back tightly.
Soon enough, the night had settled into a soft whisper of talking and hot chocolate. Will and I kept looking at each other and then kept trying not to. There was something different about his gaze, and I know it makes me sound like a bad person, but he didn’t seem that sad anymore. I thought maybe he got over it faster than me, and it made my heart plummet six feet into the ground but it made sense. Feeling my mood drop, I curled up in a blanket in the corner of the room, silently observing and laughing here and there.
Nina suddenly got up exasperated and said in a purposefully loud volume, “So, Will? What has been up?”
Will’s eyes widened as if Nina had started something he didn’t want to talk about, and then I saw him clench his jaw. “Nothing’s up, Nina. You know that.” He seethed out, as if trying to tell Nina something. I was too sad to want to focus on that.
Nina looked at me and rolled her eyes, as if I was supposed to do something but I didn’t really know what she expected.
“So,” she began again, and even I couldn’t help look at both of them now.
“Tell me, did dad approve of your temporary transfer to Paris or not?”
Will cursed, and I think I stopped breathing. My heart climbed back but the simple creature was angry.
“Your WHAT?” I looked at Will, who was shooting daggers from his eyes at Nina. In my peripheral vision I saw August and Jennie smile at each other. They knew too? I really can’t trust anyone. Especially Will. I was so mad.
“You piece of shit! You saw how sad I was! I couldn’t enjoy a single second of the entire night! And you STILL CHOSE TO NOT TELL ME THIS?” I walked to him slowly, somehow having acquired a pillow in the process. Will was about to laugh but he took one look at my face and he turned stoic. “You think this is funny?”
August muttered, “Oh boy”, as he shifted close to Nina, and Jennie and Akali had huddled together in another corner of the room. My path was clear, and my target was right in front of my eyes.
Will stuttered out, “I was going to tell you but I thought it would be a nice surprise, I was going to be sitting nonchalantly in the café of your campus. I’d planned an ‘accidental’ run-in. It was going to be grea-”. He was suddenly shut up by the flying pillow I’d thrown his way. “You were going to let me believe that we were doomed just so you could act cool, you son of a-”. August yelled, “Here!” and threw me another pillow. I heard Nina elbow him in his chest as he whispered, “Ow, what?” Nina simply rolled her eyes.
I stood right in front of Will as I saw him gulp. “Don’t you think it’s a little romantic?” He squeaked out. I lost it, I started attacking him with the pillow, which was too soft to cause any harm but it still felt good. “Baby… baby- listen. Ah!” He suddenly put his hands over his right eye and I froze. “Oh no, are you hurt? Did I hit too hard? I’m so sorry oh my god!” He was still making sounds of someone in pain as my worry kept rising. Suddenly he popped his left eye open to look at me while making the pained sounds. I was about to get my car keys to take him to the doctor when I saw him smile, and I heard snickering coming from behind me.
“You… bitch.”
Everyone broke out in laughter, as Will chuckled too. I tried to control it but I ended up smiling and soon it turned into giggling.
I took a breath and looked at him. “So, you’re really coming?”
“I really am, baby. Merry Christmas.”
I threw myself in his arms, unable to contain myself anymore. He held me tightly and protectively, as if the brunt of my body crashing his was nothing for him. I was so happy I was almost in tears.
I softly whispered to him while in his arms, “Does this mean we’re…?”
I felt his smile in his words as he spoke, “We are.”
We all spent the rest of night chatting, drinking, and making plans for whatever interesting experience was about to come our way. Yeah, we were going to be okay.
